Let’s Talk Sympathy vs. Empathy

What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?

SYMPATHY is: A feeling of sincere concern for someone who is experiencing something difficult or painful

EMPATHY is: Actively sharing in a person’s emotional experience 

Brene Brown talks about how:

“Empathy is a skill that can bring people together and make people feel included… 

While sympathy creates an uneven power dynamic and can lead to more isolation and disconnection.”

Sympathy is seeing someone’s pain from your perspective.

Empathy is seeing someone’s pain from their perspective.

Sympathy is giving people the silver lining and trying to help people feel better.

Empathy is sitting with people in their pain, simply being a loving presence without trying to fix anything.

When an ultrasound tech found the mass of tissue in my uterus, I began to cry. When she saw my tears, she told me, "Don't cry! You have a baby!". 

This was sympathy, not empathy. 

She was a sweet person, and I know that this was coming from a truly caring place. 

At the same time, as a therapist and woman, I felt very frustrated and upset. 

Yes, I have a baby. 

Yes, my baby is absolutely amazing and I didn't know how deeply I could love before I met her. 

AND that doesn't negate the fact that what was happening to me was scary and traumatic. 

While I don’t expect an ultrasound tech to sit with me in my pain, it is healing when our loved ones do.

So the next time you are about to offer support to a friend, ask yourself, “Am I offering sympathy or empathy?”