My Breastfeeding Journey
As we come to the close of Breastfeeding Awareness Week, I wanted to share a little bit about my experiences with breastfeeding.
With my first daughter, I really struggled with low milk supply.
Due to having placenta accreta, I was not able to build up a supply. As a result, I made about half of what my daughter needed in a day.
For the rest, we supplemented with formula.
In the first few months of my daughter’s life, I noticed myself comparing myself to other moms.
I wished I could make enough for her; to be able to nurse on demand; and to build an oversupply.
I would spend *hours* each day connected to a pump, so that I could try and make as much as I could - feeling defeated if I only made a few ounces in a pump session.
There were days she and I would both be in tears. Her, trying to reach for my breast, so she could nurse to sleep; and me, sobbing because I knew I had nothing for her.
I eventually was able to find peace in my feeding journey with my first daughter.
Though, it was a constant effort to not compare myself to others.
Going into my second postpartum, I wanted to do everything I could to build up a milk supply as soon as possible.
I know a lot of people go into postpartum with the dream of exclusively breastfeeding; hoping they will not have to be tied to a pump.
While I knew exclusive breastfeeding would most likely not happen for me, I tried so hard for it to be my reality.
I rented a hospital grade pump.
I pumped after every. single. nursing. session.
I followed all the Instagram accounts on how to increase my supply. I took the supplements and ate the foods.
I was slowly developing a small freezer stash - something that wasn’t possible in my first postpartum.
Then, when my daughter was 3-months-old, we learned she had FOUR mouth ties that were impacting her ability to sufficiently nurse, and her weight gain trend was dropping quickly.
We were instructed to bottle feed and meet with a pediatric occupational therapist, in order to to help her get as much nutrition as she can, while also helping her strengthen the muscles of her mouth.
I was devastated.
All I wanted was to have an easier breastfeeding experience this time around, and it felt like that dream was crashing around me.
I allowed myself to feel like “a failure” for one day. Then I picked myself up again.
For the rest of my daughter’s first year, I exclusively pumped and bottle fed.
I went from pumping 6 times per day… to 5… to 4… to 3 - all the while pumping for around 90-100 minutes per day.
It took me three months to wean.
I had been prone to mastitis in my second postpartum, and so I went at a snail’s pace to prevent any flare ups.
I decreased my pump time by about 1 minute per day, for three months, and I STILL rode the hormone roller coaster all the way through.
After that last pump session, there were so many feelings.
A part of me wanted to take my pump out to the backyard and go all Office Space on it. 🤣
But a larger part of me wanted to thank it for everything it had helped me do.
With the pump’s help, I was still able to provide countless gallons of milk for my baby over 9 months.
I felt so grateful. And I was so ready to say goodbye to that dang thing.
Every breastfeeding journey is so unique.
Sometimes, it is an experience that a person dreams of for themselves.
Other times, the feeding journey comes with a lot of guilt, shame, sadness, anger, and grief.
Whatever journey you are on, I hope you know that you are not alone.
If you are wanting more information and resources about breastfeeding support, please check out:
Postpartum Support International’s Support Group - When Breastfeeding and Bodyfeeding Ends Before You Are Ready
Postpartum Support International website - Therapist Directory
La Leche League website
National Breastfeeding Helpline (1-800-994-9662)
WIC Breastfeeding Support website
