Navigating Postpartum Darkness

Experiencing a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD) in my first postpartum was one of the darkest times of my life.

On top of reaching out to Postpartum Support International and getting connected with a perinatal psychiatrist, as well as beginning trauma therapy…

I did a daily practice in order to help me hold on to hope, and keep my eyes on the light that - I knew in my bones - was at the end of the tunnel.

Every day, I would sit down with my journal and write down:

• Three things I was grateful for that day

• One thing I look forward to doing with my family when my daughter is older

For the three things I was grateful for, I tried to make it three new things every day. 

And they didn’t have to necessarily be big things. I took time to appreciate even the smallest things in my life, such as a hot cup of coffee in the morning, or a beautiful sunrise.

For the one thing I was looking forward to, I really tried to imagine the scene in my mind.

For example, one of the things I wrote was teaching my daughter how to fly a kite.

I imagined the field we were in, the time of the year, and the weather.

I imagined the joy on her face, and I took time to embody that joy within myself. 

Even though this was a short practice, it was something that brought me so much hope.

It reminded me that this misery I was in was not forever, and I would feel better soon.

If you are feeling like you are experiencing any perinatal mental health symptoms, you are not alone. 

Please check out Postpartum Support International at https://www.postpartum.net/ to find resources and support.