Saying “No” When It Mattered
It was only supposed to be a short work trip.
When I was two months postpartum, my husband was scheduled to fly across the country to see a job site.
This was my second postpartum, so I felt more confident in my ability to solo-parent - at least for a few days.
But then mastitis hit a few days before his trip. This was my first time ever having it, and it was a DOOZY.
If you have ever had mastitis, then you know; but you haven’t, I hope you never get it.
I was down for the count for at least a few days. My hormones felt like they were everywhere. I was often in tears.
And I was dreading my husband leaving. I didn’t know if I could solo parent, under the circumstances.
I wanted to ask him to not go.
I immediately felt so guilty at this thought. He was really looking forward to this trip. I didn’t want to prevent him from going.
The people pleaser part of me felt like I should do what was best for him, even though I knew it meant I would be struggling.
I felt like I would be selfish if I asked him to stay.
If this had been my first postpartum, I wouldn’t have said anything. I would have told him to go. I would have struggled in silence, and then I would have resented him when he got back.
Luckily, motherhood has given me the opportunity and courage to face and heal old wounds.
Motherhood has given me the opportunity and courage to take up space and ask for what I need.
So, in my second postpartum, I recognized these old patterns resurfacing - the ones where I believed I couldn’t use my voice - and I knew they were bullshit.
Long story short: I knew I was not in the physical or emotional place to solo parent two small children by myself, and so I asked my husband to stay (which he did, of course).
And as soon as I asked him to stay, I felt a wave of relief. I knew this was the right thing to do.
If you resonate with any of this, I hope you know you can take up space; be seen; be heard; have your needs be known; and say ‘no’ when you need/want to. Your experience matters. You matter.
