Birth Trauma & Our Children’s Birthdays

What if your kid’s birthday is also your trauma anniversary - and no one talks about that?

Our children’s birthdays. Days we typically view with happiness - the presents, cake, balloons, gathering, celebrating.

For those of us who’ve experienced birth trauma, our children’s birthdays can bring up a multitude of mixed emotions.

The Joy Is Real

First and foremost, I feel so much love and gratitude on my big girl’s birthday. She is becoming the most resilient, independent, strong, intelligent, and kind-hearted spirit. I am so proud and lucky to be her mama. She is my whole heart.

So Is the Grief

This day also brings up a lot of grief.

While the moment of my daughter’s birth was perfect, many of the moments before and after were filled with fear - fear of having a stroke from preeclampsia, fear of dying from a hemorrhage.

I still vividly remember the days after her birth, when we had to stay in the hospital until my body was stable. I would watch my husband holding our new baby and see my whole world in front of me. At the same time, I was terrified of losing this beautiful life and leaving behind the two people I loved most on this Earth.

This is what birth trauma can look like: not a single terrifying event that ends, but a memory the body keeps returning to, even years later, even on the happiest days.

What Healing Has Looked Like

I have found so much healing over the past five years.

While I was anxious about having a second child, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made - not only because I get to see the most beautiful bond between my girls, but also because I was fortunate enough to reclaim my birth and postpartum experience the second time around.

I know I am one of the lucky ones. Not everyone gets this healing privilege.

And even with trauma therapy and years of self-reflection, the grief is still there. My body still remembers. So at this time of year, I make more of an effort to practice self-care - not despite the joy of the day, but alongside it.

Why This Matters for Other Parents

If your child’s birthday ever brings up more than happiness, I want you to know: that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means your body and heart remember what happened, and they’re allowed to.

I feel so much gratitude on my big girl’s birthday - not only because it’s the anniversary of one of the most pivotal moments of my life, but because I make sure to create space for my own experience, too.

Parents’ experiences matter, too. The better we care for ourselves, the better we can care for our babies.

Support for Birth Trauma

If you recognize yourself in this - if your child’s birthday, or any anniversary tied to their birth, brings up fear, grief, or a mix of emotions you weren’t expecting - you’re not alone, and you don’t have to carry it without support.

I work with pregnant, postpartum, and parenting clients throughout Washington state using EMDR and IFS to help process birth trauma and reclaim the parts of the experience that still feel unfinished. If this resonated with you, I’d love to talk - [book a free intro call] to see if we’re a good fit.