Envy vs. Jealousy in Postpartum & Parenthood

According to the Dialectical Behavior Therapy approach, we have 10 emotions hardwired into our biology.

Envy and jealousy, believe it or not, are two of them.

So, when and why do we feel envy?

When we want something of someone else’s. 

For example, when your baby is crying through the night, while your friend’s baby was sleeping through the night at 2-months-old.

Wait, so when do we feel jealousy?

When we are afraid someone will take something of ours.

For example, when your husband/partner is getting closer to your toddler, while you are feeling tied to your newborn. 

I have seen that envy is a lot more common in postpartum and parenthood than jealousy (though, jealousy is also very present!).

So, what do you do when you feel envious of another mama’s or parent’s postpartum experience, and that envy is getting in the way of finding joy in your own experience?

Count your blessings.

Make a list of ALL the things you are thankful for in your life. Keep this list in your notes app on your phone, so that you can access it when you need it. 

Then, review this list every time you notice intense envy. 

When we are steeped in gratitude, we feel less envious of what others have, and more thankful for what we DO have. 

If you are wanting more support in postpartum…

• You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help you will be well.

• Call or text Postpartum Support International HelpLine at 800-944-4773. You never need a diagnosis to ask for help.

• Download the Connect by PSI App

• Call or text the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-852-6262

• Visit postpartum.net for additional programs and resources