Intrusive Thoughts in New Parents: What's Normal, What's OCD, and When to Get Help
It's OCD Awareness Week, so let's talk about a taboo topic: intrusive thoughts.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts that can be:
Extremely distressing
Ego-dystonic, meaning not in line with your moral character or values
A symptom of anxiety, depression, or especially obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Almost every person has experienced intrusive thoughts, including at least 90% of new parents. So why don't we talk about it more? Because of two of the hardest emotions we experience as humans: guilt and shame. Even though these thoughts are common, no one wants to admit to having them for fear of being judged or rejected.
Types of Postpartum Intrusive Thoughts:
Accidental harm: "What if I drop the baby down the stairs?"
Intentional harm: "What if I get so mad I shake the baby?"
Baby's well-being: "What if my baby stops breathing in the middle of the night?"
Sexual: "What if I touch my baby and get pleasure from it?"
Intrusive images: seeing, in vivid detail, ways your baby could be harmed
Negative self-talk: common in depression, such as "My children would be better off with another parent."
Anxiety about the future: "What if things never get better?"
Delusional thoughts: for example, believing a certain person is possessed by the devil or that you're being followed by the FBI. These can be indicators of severe mental illness, including psychosis, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder, and can involve delusions and hallucinations. If this sounds like you, please seek mental health treatment immediately.
You Are Not Alone (and You Are Not a Bad Parent)
If you identify with any of these thoughts, you are not alone. If you're horrified by the content, I want to emphasize that having these thoughts does not mean you have any intention or desire to act on them. Thoughts do not equal action, and they are not facts or predictions of the future.
Intrusive Thoughts and the Brain
One of the most important things I learned in my perinatal mental health training is that in brain studies of people with intrusive thoughts, the part of the brain that lights up is the protective part. That fact blew my mind. It helped me see intrusive thoughts as a potential symptom of a mental health condition, or even of stress, rather than a character flaw.
Intrusive Thoughts, Postpartum OCD, and OCD Awareness Week
OCD Awareness Week is a good reminder that OCD isn't just about handwashing or tidiness. Perinatal OCD often shows up as intrusive thoughts about harm coming to your baby, along with the mental rituals, checking, reassurance-seeking, or avoidance that try to make the fear go away. It is highly treatable, and you deserve support that understands it.
When to Reach Out for Help
If you or someone you know is having intrusive thoughts and you're concerned about their content or frequency, or you do notice intent to act on them, please reach out for help. Research shows therapy can be an effective treatment, and even more so when combined with medication if needed. (It's important to rule out bipolar disorder before starting SSRIs.)
Work With Me
I specialize in supporting pregnant, postpartum, and parenting clients in Washington state with intrusive thoughts, perinatal OCD, anxiety, birth trauma, and the transition to parenthood, using EMDR, IFS, and DBT. You don't have to white-knuckle through this alone.
Book a free consultation call →here to see if we're a good fit.
Resources
If this topic resonates, I recommend Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman.
If you are experiencing intrusive thoughts: You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well.
Call or text the Postpartum Support International HelpLine: 800-944-4773. You never need a diagnosis to ask for help.
Download the Connect by PSI app
Call or text the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-852-6262
In a crisis, call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Visit postpartum.net for programs and resources, including FREE online support groups
