Many women expect parenthood to feel natural. Then it doesn't, and something unexpected happens. A reaction hits that feels far bigger than the moment. A comment about your body lands like a punch. Memories from your own childhood show up while you're rocking your baby at 3 a.m.
If that's you, nothing is wrong with you. Pregnancy and early parenthood often bring up attachment wounds and developmental trauma, because you're now caring for a child the way you were (or weren't) cared for.
As a pregnancy + postpartum therapist in Seattle, I see this every week. November is a good moment to pause and check in with yourself. Find somewhere quiet, give yourself a few minutes, and take these questions slowly.
Why Old Wounds Resurface in Pregnancy and Postpartum
Becoming a mother changes your body, your identity, and your relationships all at once. This transition, sometimes called matrescence, can stir up earlier experiences you thought you had moved past. Birth trauma, food and body struggles, and unmet needs from your own childhood can all surface at the same time.
Many moms I work with also carry a quiet fear: I don't want to pass this pain on to my children. That fear comes from love, and it's a sign you're already paying attention.
5 Reflection Questions for Pregnant and Postpartum Moms
1. What came up this month that felt bigger than the moment?
Think about a reaction that seemed to come from somewhere older. You don't have to explain it yet. Just notice when it happened and what was going on around you.
2. How have you been talking to yourself about your body and what you've eaten?
Would you say those words to a friend? Pregnancy and postpartum can intensify body shame and food guilt, especially if you have a history of disordered eating. Notice the tone of your inner voice without judging it.
3. Are you letting yourself rest and eat without earning it?
Or are you still waiting to deserve it? Many moms believe rest and nourishment have to be earned through productivity. Notice whether that belief is running your days.
4. Is there a part of your birth or early postpartum that you skip past when people ask how it went?
Birth trauma isn't always dramatic from the outside. If there's a piece of your story you tend to minimize, that's worth noticing and treating with care.
5. What's one moment this month when you felt connected to your baby, or to yourself?
Healing includes noticing what is working. Even one small moment of connection counts as progress.
It Doesn't Mean You're Doing It Wrong
If these questions were hard to answer, that doesn't mean you're failing at motherhood. Healing what you inherited takes time, and noticing it is already the work. There are no right answers here, and you don't have to do this perfectly.
How Therapy Can Help
If a question stirred up more than you expected, you don't have to sort through it alone. I use EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS) to work on the roots of what's being triggered, so you can feel steady and connected to your baby and yourself.
Whether you're dealing with birth trauma, food guilt, body shame, an eating disorder, or old wounds that won't stay quiet, therapy can help you mother the way you always hoped to.
Work With a Perinatal Therapist in Washington
I'm a Seattle-based, private-pay perinatal therapist offering online therapy for pregnant and postpartum women across Washington state. I offer a free 15-minute intro call so you can see if we're a good fit. Book your free intro call here.
Follow along on Instagram at @embodied.mama.therapist for more perinatal mental health content.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for childhood wounds to resurface after having a baby?
Yes, it's common. Parenthood often activates early experiences, particularly around attachment and how you were cared for.
Can therapy help with birth trauma and body image during pregnancy?
Yes. Approaches like EMDR and IFS can help process birth trauma and the beliefs underneath body shame and food guilt.
Do you offer online therapy across Washington?
Yes. I'm licensed in Washington and offer virtual sessions to parents anywhere in the state.
If you're in crisis, call or text 988. Postpartum Support International's helpline is 1-800-944-4773.
