Suicide Prevention Day - My Story
CW: Suicidal Thoughts
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.
Other than hypertension (i.e., high blood pressure) and hemorrhages, research suggests suicide is the leading cause in birthing parent deaths during the postpartum period.
According to @2020_Mom, death by suicide is most frequently completed between 6-12 months postpartum.
This is a photo of me, almost 7 months postpartum:
I was on a mental health leave from work.
I felt I had no control over my anxiety and trauma responses.
I was waiting for my medication to start working.
I hadn’t gotten into seeing a trauma therapist yet.
And I was miserable. I specifically remember feeling my worst on this particular day. My thoughts were getting dark - telling me I couldn’t live like this if I didn’t get better.
I feel lucky my life’s path took me toward being a therapist. Even on my darkest days, when - emotionally - I didn’t know how I could go on, I - logically - *knew* medication and therapy would help, as well as I had strength in the hope that things would get better after the perinatal period.
But many people don’t have that knowledge to give them that strength and hope. I know there is a lot of judgment around suicide, and I strongly believe we cannot judge a person who made a decision in the depths of a pain we do not know.
I can only speak for my story. And, in my case, I knew my pain would not end if my life ended. It would have been passed on to my husband, my daughter, and all my friends and family I deeply love.
I held on to those two things - the hope I would get better, and grief I felt at passing on my pain to the ones I love most. I took it day-by-day. My medication started working; my trauma therapy changed my life; and I now feel better than I have ever felt.
My life is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. The thought that there was a chance I could have missed out on it breaks my heart. The immense joy and gratitude I feel every single day makes me so thankful for my 2019 self for finding the light in the deepest darkness.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, please reach out for support. You are not alone and there are so many people who can and want to help.
Postpartum Support International (PSI) has a warmline and can be reached at 1-800-944-4773. They have support options in both English and Spanish. You can also text ‘HELP’ to 1-800-944-4773.
Also, PSI is not a crisis helpline. So if you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, call 911, or go to your local emergency room.
And for those who are supporting loved ones in the perinatal period (i.e., pregnancy and postpartum), please reach out to those individuals, especially the ones who seem OK. It could make all the difference and even save a life.
